February! It was cold and we stayed inside most of the time, huddled together in one room, a family fighting the dark, short days, searching for the day as it should be.
It took me a long time (months) to realize the hard part was over, and in the second month I still felt a lot like I did the first. Eliza slowly changed, though, which was (and remains to be) the most fascinating thing I have ever watched. When I read these notes and look at these pictures, I can’t believe that this was my life. I remember it feeling so hard and solid, so heavy, unchanging, and sometimes endless. But it crumbled to dust and fell off our shoulders, forgotten, in what I now realize was actually a very short amount of time. A few months isn’t long even to the youngest of us.
Eliza’s real face really started to become this month. It isn’t how she looks now, but it is still very much her – I see Eliza in these photos.
Without further ado:
- sleeps up to nine hours a night
- starting at 2am
- is wide awake before that
- is balding, especially on the sides of her head
- smiles big when she sees me first thing in the morning
- loves to talk
- loves to kick
- is totally zen on her changing pad (this has changed completely)
- hates tummy time
- falls asleep on walks
- loves to be held, but not to be worn (unless sound asleep)
- takes catnaps during the day
- catnaps in the swing (watched, of course)
- likes to be carried so that she can see the world
- gets a LOT of kisses from Roux
- has grown out of her newborn clothes (I remember finding this very strange and sad)
- spends most of her time in footie pajamas
- likes to be able to stretch her legs
Eliza started smiling at the beginning of her second month. It was kind of rare but wonderful and everyone was right, as soon as it happens you begin to feel the tension exit.
Ugh she hated tummy time, the poor bug.
I spent a lot of time holding Eliza while she nursed and then slept, so I would just use my phone for hours at a time, browsing the internet or writing. Such a bizarre life I had that I won’t ever have again! Anyway, here is a journal entry I had during one of her naps. As a note, I combo fed, so Eliza was both breast fed and formula fed. Another note, I hate spring, I always have and still do.
Thursday, Feb 21, 2017:
Eliza sleeps next to me on a pillow, her feet and legs hanging out of the swaddle I had quickly and carelessly wrapped her in. The point, anyway, was to get her arms under control and those little needles-for-fingernails away from my skin. Her flailing arms and hands often frustrated her enough to make nursing more of a minor wrestling match, me trying to pin her down and keep her calm enough to eat as she struggled to wriggle like a worm out of my grasp and then to who knows where. I don’t know if she’s gassier lately – is that due to the switch in formula? Or is she just frustrated with my low supply of breast milk? Or maybe she’s just a baby. Not everything is a puzzle to be solved.
I should get out of bed. Get dressed and begin my day. But then what? It’s too cold to walk, and Eliza doesn’t like to be worn anyway. I could push her in the stroller but then Roux might be hard to take along. Plus, walking with the stroller right now is easier with a second person who can help me carry it in and out of the house. Chris is busy.
After eight weeks of trying to figure out how to live my life in between nursing sessions, I have inevitably fallen onto *doing chores* and pretty much nothing else. I’ve stayed on top of laundry, picked up our room, and occasionally prepared meals. But Eliza doesn’t like to be worn and is only content by herself, sitting, for about 10 to 20 minutes at a time before she starts losing it. Getting anything done in that time is a struggle and one that is beginning to seem less and less important.
But being sedentary instead has its consequences. Health related. I need to move. But I can’t figure out how. For the first time in possibly ever, I’m looking forward to spring.
Eliza’s hands have found their way out of her swaddle. She grabs her face repeatedly and is waking herself up. I reach for what most people call a pacifier but I refer to as her “magic button” (or just “button”) because it magically calms the girl down and sometimes even puts her to sleep. Just press it into her mouth and wa-la!
Chris loved to sing and play for Eliza as she laid in her bassinet after eating.