Ah, the fourth month.
A lot of people said to me that after three months, everything gets better. For me, it was sort of true. My anxiety peaked this month, and the beginning felt not that much different than the months before. But the days began to warm and Eliza’s smiles came quicker and easier, her laughs came stronger and louder, and by the end of the month I realized that somewhere along the road we’d turned a corner. I also noticed the return of myself, my own personality sneaking around the walls of my anxiety, inching its way back in.
The fourth month is when things finally start to happen. Learning to use those hands. Sitting in a bouncer. Purposeful movement. Interaction. The becoming of a person.
My camera was back in my hands and I took many pictures this month.
I wasn’t going to say anything else, but I just remembered something – the fourth month was also when I noticed we weren’t using many of the things we’d used when she was brand new. Like the bassinet, for example, and the bouncy chairs, and many of her swaddles and blankets and spit cloths. It was odd for me to notice these things, sitting in our bedrooms, sometimes where we’d had them for months, and think, “we don’t use this thing anymore. I can move it. I can give it back to who we borrowed it from. I can put it away in the attic.” Just the simple realization that the beginning was over gave me great pause. Well that wasn’t very long at all! Sure, while it was happening it felt like an eternity, but I spent nine months being terrified and planning and prepping and filling up my house and three months using most of these items nonstop, and truly they took up so much space, both in my house and my mind, and now they’re just useless? Their time is up? That was it?
She was no longer a newborn. That was hard to wrap my head around.
Remember this post?
Eliza’s fourth month:
– she smiles and coos at her reflection (and whoever else is in the mirror too)
– she loves to talk, usually to inanimate objects or her hands
– she has super strong legs (and kicks)
– she wants to be held outward, facing the world
– still often wants to be carried around
– usually hates laying down
– rolled over once (April 24th), bizarrely. Didn’t do it again
– often rolls to her side from her back.
– still loves her hands, holds them out together in front of her face, speaks to them
– LOVES to hold onto your arm while you change her diaper, talks to it with fervor
– she’s clingy – wants to be in mom or dads arms, can tell if you are new
– loves walks in the carrier, facing out
– will grab anything in front of her, especially loves mom’s phone
– sleeps well at night, cat naps during the day
– wears a bib all the time so that we don’t have to change her drool-soaked clothes five times a day.
– a little bit ticklish
– has the world’s best laugh
– still very zen during a bath
– holds onto her knees
– is growing fuzzy, soft blonde hair
– sleeps in her crib for naps
– loves being outside
– fascinated by the back of mamas phone
– cutest babbling voice
– clammiest feet
– still has a smelly neck
– still has her stork bite
– still has blue eyes
(still hates tummy time)